Box #1, Box #2, or Box#3 ????

That is stolen from Let's Make A Deal. They also used to do the same kind of game at the Clipper game, at least before the Donald Sterling scandal. I like small gambles. I especially like surprise boxes. Way back when, there was a company called Spiegel, and you paid $10 to get a box of 4 pair of shoes. But they were all a mystery - you just ordered your size. I loved it as a teenager. Now, I get a similar deal with this company called Birchbox. You pay $10 a month, and the send you a mystery box with 5 items in it. This is what it looks like on the outside:

So I opened it, and spread it out like a cornucopia just to tease you. So what did I get this month?

First, we have a trio of Nexus products. It looks like enough for 3 shampoos. It is Color Assure Pre-Wash Primer, Shampoo, and Conditioner. It's supposed to keep my color vibrant for twice as long. So I will save this trio until just after the next time I color my hair.

Next, we have 2 sachets of 32 Oral Care. These are Effervescent Breath Crystals with IsoVoxy. OOh - they attack unpleasant odors and feel like PopRocks. Use immediately.

Then, we got a tube of Marcelle New Age 8 in 1 Power Serum. This is supposed to plump all my fine lines, and hydrate my crocodile neck with peptides. And it supposed to do that in one week. IMMEDIATELY. I got some of their BB cream before, and I like it. Experiment begins tonight.

Oh my. CoTZ (Coats??) Face Natural Skin Tone SPF 40. It's a sunscreen with matte coverage. For weekend use, at least for me.

Lastly, a Pixi Shea Butter Lip Balm. This is the full size product. You usally get one full size product per box. I have lots of lip stuff, so I will keep this in mind

There is also always an "extra". This month, it's a $25 coupon for any purchase at Kate Spade.I'm gonna need to check that one out.

And finally, I would like to discuss one more product. I bought it at Ulta. Ulta sends you coupons and lots of incentives if you sign up for their no-cost points club. They suck you in with glossy ads featuring gorgeous teenagers. But I always cave, and buy something almost every month. This month, I got Garnier Skin Renew Dark Spot Overnight Peel. I was hoping that it would melt multiple layers of my face off swiftly, but it will take 4 weeks. It will remove my spots, even up my blotches, brighten my skin, and smooth the texture. I need all of those things. Hey Ho, Let's Go!!! This one starts tonight. I shall pair it with the Marcelle Power Serum, and the movie studios will be pounding on my door soon. You have permisssion to say you knew me when.

Two Birds With One Stone or Double Trouble

It all depends on how you look at it. With me, it's generally Double Trouble. Well, let's hit the road. For Mother's Day, I chose to go for the gold - literally. Coincidentally, I also wore gold last year. I like looking like an Academy award. Here is a full shot of the outfit, taken in the closet door mirror at my mom's apartment:

 Here's a close up of the top. It's silk, made by Style and Co. The slacks are also silk, and the label says Amanda Stevens. Both were consignment finds.

Onto the hooves. The shoes are made by Sole Society. I got them at Nordstrom's Rack, but I think they have this brand everywhere. Believe it or not, these are actually really comfy, because the wide sparkly part is elastic.

For necklaces, I decided to go with a high-low type arrangement. The choker is costume, and I have had it a long time. I bought it for a holiday party. It may be biting the dust soon,because the crystals are falling out here and there. The longer one is chocolate diamonds, and I got that for myself because I like me.

The fashion magazines call stacks of bracelets an arm party. Well, I must be having an arm shindig, because both of my arms are doing double duty. On the left :

The rings are my wedding set again. The cuff is costume, and I got it at a Macy's in Fort Lauderdale. They had white, coral, and turquoise in this style. On my right arm:

The ring is my Swarovksi Nirvana in Black Diamond, and the bracelet is from J Crew. This bracelet is another item that I had to wait for - it was popular, so it J Crew took their sweet time waiting to put it on sale. But I held out, and my frugality won over.

Onto the second outfit. I wore this to work on Monday. It was forecasted to be pretty toasty out, so I dressed for summer. The pants are some random pair that has been hanging in my closet since the Pleistocene period. There is no label inside, only a couple of strings hanging from where the label should be. The top is by Vera Wang, which means that it came from Kohl's. That also means that I had a 30% coupon. I throw them away unless they say 30%. I want the biggest discount.

The shoes are Sam and Libby. They are evening sandals, made of deep blue satin. I had to get them in order to be in a wedding party, and danged if I am not going to wear them whenever I please.

Like the flooring? I am in the Saddleback ER with my mom right now. You know how that goes - it's a loooonng day of waiting.

Onto the wings. On the left arm, I have a costume ring with an iron cross on it. I got it at JCP, and it goes with everything. The bracelet is a copper cuff that you buy in souvenir shops in Arizona. My brother found it on the street when I was a teenager. I actually have lugged it around all these years and wear it fairly frequently.

On the right arm, I have two rings on one finger (more double trouble). The red one is a stone called fire opal. The clear one is just an eternity band made of crystals that I got from a friend's shop in Little Saigon. My hand looks like it's made of alligator hide.

The necklace is from Forever 21. It started out gold, then got tarnished, but that's okay, because it now looks like it's made of copper, thereby matching the cuff. Sometimes, things just work themselves out. I imagine that the chain will eventually rot right through, and then this will also bite the dust. This shot gives you a better look at the print on my top.

Well, that's about it for now. You know, there I was, hoping that something interesting would happen today. But I would like to say something to whoever is in charge of handing out interesting things. I didn't include the Saddleback ER in the "interesting" bucket. Try to do better next time.

Well,aren't you guys lucky??? I was with my mom until about 8 last night, so I didn't publish this post. So now, I will include today's outfit - 3 for the price of one !!!! (even though it's free). Anyway, it is supposed ot be scorching today, so I dressed lightly and appropriately. My skirt is by Isaac Mizrahi. It's lace with a grosgrain border on the waistband, hem and pockets. The top is tissue thin suede with reptile embossing. I got it at Cache. i look less lumpy in real life than in this picture.

This necklace is also one of my favorites. I think it came from EBay. The white stones are called buffalo turquoise. The brown stones are smoky topaz. You can also see the embossing on the suede top in this shot.

Onto my shoes. They are made by Merona (I think that's a Target brand). They have cork wedges and elastic straps. I am sporting lovely old lady peds, because it's too hot to wear hose, but life is rough when your cute shoes are giving you blsiters.

Onto the bling. On my left hand, I am wearing my Swarovski Nirvana again. That seems to be my favorite ring lately. The bracelet is just some thing I got somewhere sometime. It may or may not be made of old tin cans.

On my right hand, I have a REAL silver (OOH,so classy) ring with a leopard jasper stone. The bracelet was made for me many years ago by a someone who is now deceased. It is made of safety pins, and I have it to remember her by.

Well, that's about it for the chronicles of my exploits in the fashion world for the last 3 days. At least I have evidence that I do in fact change my clothes regularly.

Exercise Is The Poor Woman's Plastic Surgery

I stole this saying from a little pillow I bought for Lynne at Stein Mart when I was looking for Mother's Day gifts. I guess I must be poor, because I exercise almost every day. Actually, I pretty much have to force myself to take a day off and just RELAX.

I do several different types of exercise, but some days, it's either too hot, too cold, too dark, or too windy to run, play tennis, or swim. So I have an enormous collection of videos and DVDs. Each instructor has his or her own strengths and drawbacks. I figured that I will just give you my impression of the major players that I use for home exercise.

1) Billy Blanks Tae Bo -

2) The Firm - various instructors

3) Janis Saffell and Guillermo Gomez

4) Tony Horton

5) Gilad -

6) Rockin Body with Shawn T

7) Debbie Siebers

1) Tae Bo with Billy Blanks. Billy is one of my favorites. You don't need any equipment except for a pair of dumbells, some resistance bands,and a mat. His videos range from 30 minutes to 60 minutes. Some are easy, and some are hard. The toughest one is called Ultimate Boot Camp. The first time I tried, I couldn't finish the whole thing. It's about 51 minutes long and uses resistance bands. His moves have very little choreography - they are mostly punching and kicking. Try TaeBo if you want a tough workout that builds muscle.

2) The Firm. As I said, they use a lot of different instructors. The series is also one of my favorites. The best thing about the Firm is that one DVD usually has three or four separate workouts on it, so that maximizes your investment. As with TaeBo, some are easy and some are harder. The toughest one is The 500 Calorie Workout. It lasts an hour and you will end up drenched in sweat, and I think you really do burn 500 calories, which is a lot. I like the Firm because they are designed for women, and so they give you a nice toned shape. Some of them are pure dance, so you can work on gaining coordination. There are about 34 different workouts to pick from, so even if you stick with just the Firm, you can still get a lot of variety. For these, you need dumbells, a mat, and a step. I would say use these if you want a curvy, toned shape.

3) Janis Saffell and Guillermo Gomez. I only have two of these. I don't know if they make them anymore, but you can find everything on EBay. Their workouts combine cardio with light weights, alternating between the two. They are on the easier side and both last 55 minutes. And both Janis and Guillermo are super cute (especially Guillermo, when he says "Now we estraighten our legs" "Let's sculpt a little bit our legs"). I wish I could find more.You only need weights for this. I think this series is good for overall light toning, or maintenance of fitness. I wish Guillermo was my personal trainer. (Creepy old lady, right here).

4) Tony Horton. This adorable dude has been around for a long time. He does workouts under the Beach Body brand, as well as Kenpo X. He pops up under different labels, but I am always happy to see Tony Horton on the label.I have him in both DVD and VHS form - that's how long he has been hanging in. His workouts are a lot of punching, kicking, and jumping jacks. But you don't need any equipment at all. There is no floor work with Tony - all standing moves. His latest one has an 11 minute introduction that is all yoga. His workouts are medium in intensity, but that yoga segment is tough, because it really tests your flexibility. Increasing my flexxie is one of my fitness goals for this year. And there is a rolling clock on the right side and/or on the bottom, so you know how far along you are - I love watching the clock wind down. For some reason that excites me - but, hey, it's the little things in life.

5)Gilad. Gilad Jancowicz is this super hot, dark, swarthy Israeli dude. He was basically the Bruce Jenner of Israel, and he is in the Jewish Business Hall of Fame, because dude has been WORKIN' it forever. He has a perfect male physique. His workouts are old-school low impact aerobics, and I only have VHS versions. The workouts are so entertaining - Gilad flies in a glider around Hawaii, stopping here and there for a segment. He has 3 girls and 1 guy workout with him, and everyone is coiffed, made up, and wearing awesome theme costumes, like Captain of the Boat hats with white thong leotards. The workouts are on the easy side, but they are nice to do when you just want to get your heart beating. And did I tell you that Gilad is hot? They are a full hour long, so that's a nice long cardio workout. You will need a mat for Gilad .

6) Rockin' Body with Shaun T. Another Beach Body project. SOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO SOOOOO fun !!! There are 2 DVDs, with a total of 7 different workouts. They range in time from 15 to 45 minutes. The hardest circuit training one (red cover) is Rock It Out, and it's hard. The hardest dance one (blue cover) is Shaun T's Dance Party. That one is really good for developing coordination. You learn a really fun dance routine in 3 parts, then put it all together. My complaint with these is that the DVDs are of very poor quality. Sometimes it takes 3 tries to load it on the TV. These have choices to fit any fitness level. I wish they were made better.

7)Debbie Siebers. Mix It Up, Ramp It Up, and Burn It Up. These are solid medium difficulty workouts. They are repetitive, but each segment makes sense. They also have the time clock on the side and bottom, and you know that gets points from me. That's so weird. Also, Debbie is the perfect combo of cuteness, fitness, and cueing. They last a good 50-60 minutes, but it goes fast. You need resistance bands,dumbells, and a mat for these. Once when I was doing one, my resistance band broke and clocked me in the eyebrow. It hurt and was bleeding and swelled up, so I quit and went to Pavilions to buy popcorn. So here I am, already in a baaaad mood, and guess what? Popcorn was $4.59. I AM SURE. It should cost a dollar. So there I am, swollen and discolored and stinky from working out, and I'm muttering swear words in Pavilions. Even with this bad memory, I like Debbie Siebers. I did one tonight, as a matter of fact.

So there you have it. If I discover another series that really excites me, I'll let you know. There are a few that I absolutely hate, but everyone is different. My most hated series is Jillian Michaels. It's super hard, and she yells the entire time. But I wouldn't mind having her abs.

Side note : at least they now have better stuff than they did in the 80s. Exhibit A:

Legally Blonde

I fit the title, because I paid for the hair color, thereby making it legal.What I was actually referring to was the fact that I never thought I would be one of those ladies running around cradling an adorable toy dog dressed in clothes. But here I am. Once, a man asked me if she was my baby substitute. Of course, I was walking for exercise, so I looked homeless, disheveled, and psychotic. And we have all been hit up on Melrose or Hollywood Blvd by the lady carrying a doll and asking for money for her baby. So we will give him a pass on that one.

Here is the primadonna principessa herself:

You will notice that she is wearing a brown crocheted number. Here she is, in her snazzy leopard onesie. The senile lady down the street thought it was her fur.(Note the pleasant expression).

When winter rolled around, I thought she needed some cold weather gear, so I got her a blue Chilly Willy type hat. Here she is, sporting it with yet another onesie, this time in cheetah. Such happiness and contentment in her expression!!!

She had an episode of tail chewing last year, so on went the cone of shame until it healed. To compensate for that humiliation, I allowed her to don her favorite - the bee suit. She actually has two of these.

Then I started playing tennis. Sooooo, naturally, Elli had to get a Polo Ralph Lauren sweater just like mommy's:

Oh, but one measley sweater is never enough!!! So she got pink argyle - how preppy!!!

And, here is a picture of my shopping cart when I bought the pink one, along with a nice fleece bathrobe. You will note that Elli likes to shop at WalMart.

And lastly, the ghetto wife beater. She actually came to me wearing this undershirt. But you will note, her expression is one of peace and tranquility. Then she met me.

And in case you thought that Elli only had an extensive wardrobe, she has an extensive blanket, toy and bowl collection. When we went to San Diego and stayed at the Gaslamp Westin, they greeted her with a bowl, a bag of kibble, a huge Milk Bone, and a little card for her crate that said "Do Not Disturb." I love the Westin. Here she is, with the toy that my friend Claudia got for her:

So that is my equally well dressed little companion. She is a pretty good sport about it in general, although I do get angry clucking when I change her clothes (she gets gamey and wears the same thing day after day, quelle horror!!)

Addendum: I am truly ill. As I was shopping for Mother's Day cards, I saw these and HAD to get them. You'd think they were shoes, the way I was salivating over them.

I'm Black and Blue, But In A Good Way

No, I haven't been beaten to a pulp. It's just my lovely outfit - I am dressed as a giant bruise. This skirt is one of my favorites, because it's knit, it's the perfect length, and it's easy to match stuff with. I got it at a church rummage sale a few years ago. The sequined tank is from Macy's and the chiffon waterfall cardigan was a present from my mother in law for my birthday one year. Since I have had a LOT of birthdays, I have a lot of birthday presents. That's the only good thing about having lots of birthdays - well, the alternative to another birthday really stinks as well.

I guess I'm really tired today, cuz I'm laying down.(Actually, I can't figure out how to rotate the picture). Onto the junk. Here is a closeup of my two necklaces. The choker length one is onyx, lapis and gold. I made it with beads many, many moons ago. The longer one is sapphire and teeny diamond chips. Doc gave me the long gold chain probably 20 years ago. I have worn it with many different pendants, and also as a belt. I had a hard time getting them both in the shot. I look all spotty and shiny, and somehwat deformed.

Onto my hands . On the left:

The rings are my wedding set and are the Crown Jewels of Holtzmania. I don't wear them very often, because I wash my hands alot. If you know me in person, you'd best believe I had better say that. The bracelets are diamond and sapphire, and have been collected over many years. I look deformed in this picture as well. I guess my photography skills leave a little to be desired. On my right hand:

This ring is polarizing - you either love it or hate it. I love it - this was another hard decision to make. This is an Yves St Laurent Arty ring - the Arty comes in many colors, and I finally committed to lapis. You can wear it with the stone facing up like I am, or with it facing down.

The shoes are Vince Camuto from Nordstrom on mega-sale. They are actually pretty comfy. I was afraid that the soles would be slippery, so I ran fine sandpaper over them to eliminate any mishaps. That's a little trick I read in a magazine once. Today, I had to contort to photograph my right foot - there's a hole in the toe of my tights on the left foot. But my toenail polish is pretty, so it's okay.

Well, that's about it for today. I am looking forward to a nice lunch at the Fortune Cookie today. It's always hard to decide what to get there. They have both Chinese food and sushi - it's a good combo, especially if someone in the party doesn't eat sushi. Sushi is just as polarizing as the Arty.

What do Carlos Santana and Jessica Simpson Have in Common?

They both make shoes!!! And I like both brands. At first, I saw the J Simp display in Macy's thought, ugh. But then my niece had a deep blue satin pair for her wedding that I really liked, so I gave the brand a try. Nice job, J Simp. Anyway, the reason I am bringing this up is because I am sporting a pair of Carlos shoes today. I bought them probably 3 or 4 years ago, before the gladiator style was even popular. I have had them reheeled at the shoe repair shop once already. Now for the reveal:

They're not torture devices. You don't have to buckle up all those straps every time. There's a zipper up the back - the rest is just for show.

So onto the rest of my costume. The skirt is a hand me down. It says Merona on the label, and it's made of silk. It's kinda long and has a sister wife vibe, so I used accessories to pump it up. (I had a typo that said pimp it up, har). On top, I am wearing a polyester top with embroidery and beading. It is made by a brand called Bandolino. I got it at Robinson May, and they closed shop several years ago. I used to have a job on Avocado, across from Fashion Island, and there was a RM there. My paycheck never even made it to the freeway. This pretty little top is sleeveless, so I decided to cover the wings up with a waterfall cardigan that I got at Stein Mart. I was reading a real fashion blog, and it said that they are going out of style, but being out of sync has never really bothered me.

So what about the junk? First, the lefty:

The ring is a Swarovski Nirvana in Indolite. The bracelet is one that Doc got me. He used to work locum tenens in Fresno, and he always stopped at Gorman on the way home. Gorman was basically the halfway point, and they have a few antique shops there. One day, an American Indian lady was selling bracelets on a blanket, so he got one for me.

On my righty, I have another turquoise bracelet that my friends gave to me as a going away present 3 jobs ago. The ring is one that Luke, Ashley and Preston gave me for Christmas one year. It's turquoise, abalone and marcasite. And hanging around my little chicken-y neck:

The cross is another piece from the Southwest Indian Foundation. Doc got it for me for an anniversary one year.
Well, that's it for today. I am hoping that something exciting will happen today. The Clippers let me down last night, so I am in the mood for some happy happy joy joy.